Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Construction workers

Lucky Vanous, the Diet Coke Hunk

From that diet-pepsi ad in which all the female office workers stop to oggle a construction worker who at 11.30 takes a break by taking his t-shirt off and having a drink. I KNOW you all remember it. After that there was a spoof in Ally McBeal in which Ally and a female co-worker feel it's their lucky day when they manage to get trapped in an elevator with the hunky construction worker only to find that he stinks awfully. (As you would if you were in a job where you sweated all day and didn't wash your work clothes daily).

Well, this is all to introduce the theme. A Portuguese friend of mine visiting London some time ago commented how strange it was to see construction workers who looked healthy, normal, wore nice clothes and 'gasp' were even good-looking! Because Portuguese construction workers are none of the above. I'm not saying that there aren't some exceptions, but the norm is what you get if you take an illiterate under-nourished kid whose father beat him, put him to work at 10 years old so, have him chain-smoke since that age and drink 2 litres of wine a day from the age of 14, and work with no safety instructions on a badly-paid job. So, runted, with rotten teeth, drunk, under-paid, sick, possibly with a missing finger or two from a work accident, rude, etc. Not a pretty sight.

HOWEVER! They do come up with the famous construction workers' comments, which they throw at female passers-by (who very quicly develop selective hearing). An undiscovered literary talent, translated by me for your benefit.

Your mother can only be an oyster to spit out a pearl like you.

You know your face looks very well on you?

Lovely legs! What time do they open?

Hey, gorgeous! Climb my palm-tree and lick my coconuts…

You know where those clothes you’re wearing would look good? All crumpled on the floor of my bedroom!

Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to pass by here one more time?

With you girl it would be to the bone!

And the literal translation of the ones you can’t translate…

I just wish you were chewing-gum so I could eat you all day long.

You have an ass like an onion! I'd eat it and cry for more!

Hey, sexy, with an ass like that you must shit bonbons!

One day I thought,
Of carrying you in my heart
But then I saw
That it was too much sand for my truck…

Hey spare-rib! Join the hot coals here!

And for the Portuguese readers, the ones that rely on puns and so make no sense translated…

És como um helicóptero: gira e boa!

Usas cuecas TMN?
É que tens um rabinho que é um mimo!

Ó joia! Anda aqui ao ourives.

Ó morcôna, comia-te o sufixo!
(esta parece-me muito inteligente para trolhas :p)


At 6:37 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

quanta inspiração!...

At 12:54 am, Blogger Unknown said...

Fantasias é o que é ...


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