Portuguese slang

I have a feeling that only Portuguese people will find this funny (actually, only Portuguese who speak English) but anyway:

Literal translation to English of conversation between two portuguese guys:
So, shovel? How is it going? It's been a long time since I've put the view on you.
Yea. Oh, shovel, I bought a new house.
Where do you live now?
Oh, I'm living in the middle of the ass of Judas now! Now, imagine that the place doesn't even have public lighting! At night you can't even see the tip of a horn! Now I have to go around "oh uncle, oh uncle" for them to put there a public lighting post. I went to theTogether of Parish to complain about that and they immediatley startedthrowing mouths, asking if I really had to go to live in a hole like that, where Judas lost his boots.Man, I completely passed myself from the gears.
Hey, mine, put yourself slim! The only thing they will do is tell youto go around the great billard.
What, but have we reached the wood, or what? That would be sweet! They should put themselves at stick, because I'm not afraid of them! Thatis the side to which I sleep better. With me they don't make flour andI find well that they don't arm themselves to the cuckoos, because Iwon't give my arm to twist.
But have you been there to talk with anybody?
I went there to speak with the President and he stayed looking at me like an ox to the palace. He told me to put myself at miles.
You're passing yourself!
At serious, mine! The guy started to arm himself in racing parrot,saying that donkey's voices don't reach the sky and telling me to put myself in the bitches.
And what did you tell him?
I told him this: "Bad Mary! You guys don't even now how you got here -you don't see an ox of this shit! One guy comes here and youimmediately start belching slices of hake. You are all the same shit,only the smell is different: you neither f*ck nor get out of the top."
Hey, big scene. And what did he say?
First he said that I could speak at ease, because the dogs bark andthe caravan goes by and then he told me to go comb monkeys to China. But when he saw that I was passing myself from the horns, he startedwith a high conversation, terreeteetee, sparrows to the nest, that I should have calm, and so on. Yes, because if I really would pass myself, all that shit would go with the pigs! Alright, alright. Let's change the topic. Have you already fixed a girlfriend?
Hey, mine, I think I have. I met a chick who is good as corn and I immediately started dragging the wing to her, but when I went to see, she had put herself in the little female of garlic. At the nextweekend I found her again and I made myself to the floor again. First she armed herself in racing stickface, but then she came eating at my hand.
That's how it tastes better...
Ya, it fell like cherries.
And the chick, is she really good?
Well, actually she isn't there a big shotgun, but one can eat it. Whodoesn't have a dog, hunts with a cat, right?
And have you already made yourself to the steak?
Are you armed in silly, or what? You are here you are there!
Sorry. And the chick, has she already lost the three?
Hey shovel, go look if it is raining. Or then go see if I'm over there at the corner.
Say there, mine!
Oh, shovel, it's like this: I still didn't do it because Benfica is playing at home, alright?
Ready, you just climbed on my scale.
You already know that I don't leave my credits in foreign hands.
Ok. So, I will be going, I must go to the chop chop.
And I'm going to the morphs, too.
See ya.
See ya.
Doors yourself well.
Until the sight.

Had a very successful weekend. On Saturday went to the 4-hour first part of my beginner’s climbing course at the Westway, did some shopping on the way back, made an apple crumble in 30minutes flat and then went to my friend Filipe’s leaving do. Met some friends in Brick Lane and took them along as well.

The party was all that London parties can be with people from all over the world and from all callings of life there. The highlight for me definitely was Eurico, a Portuguese guy who, after doing a PhD in astrophysics, decided he wanted to work on something more real. So for the last five years he’s been researching and publishing astrophysics papers in his free time as a hobby whilst working on the stock exchange. Best of all, these last five years he has always worked always only 9 to 5 on weekdays and only one weekend, for which he demanded time-in-lieu anyway. You have got to admire a set of priorities like that.

My triumph of the weekend though was definitely that, after getting up on Sunday and not being able to even squeeze my toothpaste out of the tube, button up my trousers or unscrew my contact lens case in the morning, I managed to make it to the second part of my climbing course in the afternoon. Climbing uses muscles that you don’t normally use and it was only Andy’s tiger balm that saved me. Had to try climbing using only my leg strength on Sunday though, but that’s how you are supposed to do it anyway. Then popped by Teresa’s birthday party in the evening and afterwards for the first time in many years had a bath (rather than a shower). Today much less problems squeezing my toothpaste so it worked.

So how was climbing, pain apart? Lots of fun and we had the most fantastic instructor, a middle-aged, very slight woman called Suzanne, who just floated up the climbing walls. Best person to show us that climbing is not about having muscles or strength, but knowing how to shift your body weight appropriately. She did have muscles on her knuckles though. Joao also managed to climb a grade 6a wall in a way that no one had done before on that wall, all the way up with his back towards the wall.

Still no idea of what I’m doing in the next weeks – will update when I can.

Second part of Vasco Barreto's sketch of Portugal and it's people

LBW

Was out on the scrubs today playing cricket with my workmates and my supervisor's kids. Together with the fact that my housemate Andy gave me the 'Lagaan' dvd as a birthday gift, I think I've gone one step deeper into British culture